My own practice turns away from the strictly physical and toward the breath and mind. My physical practice is deepening and refining, turning toward cleansing kriyas and longer seated periods. This transition in my own focus is creating friction in my teaching.
How do I direct the students in exercises that I have moved past? How do I understand and inspire the students, guiding them clearly down the path that they need? How do I see their path when my path is so different? How do I relate to the students who are focused primarily on the physical benefits of asana practice? In elaborating these questions, it strikes me that my own progress need not make me a confounding teacher. Quite the contrary, it should make me a clearer one, as long as I keep focused on each student and their individual needs. My widening perspective and experience can make me a more effective and versatile guide. I have to remember that the purpose of the teacher is to serve the student, not to press my own views and practices upon anyone who will listen. Teaching is not a position of power but one of service.
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How many times have you been instructed to "make space"? Sometimes it is "make space in your joints," sometimes it is "make space in your breath," and sometimes it is mental - "create space in you mind." To be honest, I have never understood or associated with these cues. I find them abstract at best, confusing and meaningless at worst.
But lately I have been finding space, particularly in my mind. Through regular Pranayama (Breath) practice, my mind is gradually becoming still. My thoughts become fuzzy and distant instead of the usual zippy urgency of the rest of my day. I have also been practicing Surrender to the Divine (Ishvarapranidhana), in which I release all of my accomplishments and failures. I consciously choose not to carry them around as defining elements of my self - I am not defined by my successes or failures. I am only who I am. (But what does that mean? I'll keep you posted!) When releasing my accomplishments and failures, I also release the pride and shame associated with them. So I find myself carrying around less pride and less shame than I have in the past. Where I used to be filled with urges and compulsions driven by my shame and pride, now I feel growing stillness and calm. There is a vacuum in my mind and emotions where there used to be driving forces. This, I have come to understand, is "space." I have made space. The most significant part of finding the space is resisting the habit and the urge to fill it. My mind is in the habit of having thoughts. Whenever I am at rest, a thought appears: think about tomorrow, hatch a new plan, analyze the day. Now that I find myself with "space" in my thoughts and desires, I don't know what to do with it. Do I fill it with new thoughts? Or do I let it be empty? Will it fill itself with something else? I have read that this is where God comes in - that we make the space and God fills it. It is a bit abstract for me, but certainly conceivable. At this point I am trying to be patient and sticking with my practice. I have faith that this "space" will reveal something new and important and, for now, that is enough. I remember clearly when my teacher Tony Sanchez told us, "some poses you don't teach, you just keep them for yourself." It baffled me at the time. Why wouldn't I share what I was doing? If I am finding value in a practice, why wouldn't I offer it to my students?
The idea of secrecy dates back to early yoga texts. Many writings contain general tenets of yoga but no specifics of practice or progress. They leave the reader with a curiosity about this practice, but one must still seek the guidance of a knowledgable teacher to learn the details. I have heard several reasons for this type of secrecy, but two seem to be the most significant: retaining power and therefore monetary value, and safety, as many intermediate and advanced practices can be very dangerous. POWER If we offer the bare bones of knowledge, we maintain control over the stream of information. With this control we can keep people coming back for more. More classes, more products, more seminars, etc. In fairness, there is a lot of knowledge out there, more than can be revealed and understood in even decades of daily classes. Still, there are those who use this bottleneck of information to their advantage, for power, prestige and money. SAFETY Others control the trickle of knowledge to their students for the safety of the students. In yoga there are many postures that can injure even a more advanced yogi. Also there are more advanced yogic practices like breath control, concentration and devotion that, without great care, can go terribly awry, causing headaches, heart strain, emotional imbalance and obsession. These are outcomes we would rather avoid. I think that Tony was mostly referring to safety when he told us not to teach everything we practice. Also I think he was talking about what it means to be a good teacher. Part of being a good teacher is offering what is beneficial to the student, and that is rarely the same thing that is good for the teacher. Each student is unique, with a unique history, body and mind and at a specific point in their progress. We as teachers need to recognize and address the student where they are at each moment. If we offer what is working for us at the moment, it is likely that we are overlooking what may be beneficial for the student. A difficult balance, no doubt, but an important one. It saddens me every time I see a yogi promoting unhealthy habits and, even worse, encouraging pride in them. I have heard yogis promote drinking stimulants (like caffeine) and alcohol, eating unhealthy foods and cursing.
We are all drawn to certain destructive habits - eating sweets, drinking coffee, complaining about work and family - but we should avoid them as much as possible. All of these things create new obstacles in our bodies and minds, or they reinforce old obstacles. Then, in our yoga practice, we strive to remove these obstacles to encourage our spiritual growth. So every cookie we eat, every cup of coffee, every mean word and thought has to be undone in order for us to progress. (To be fair, I drink my share of coffee and have been known to eat lots of sweets.) On the flip side of the coin, it is easy to let our pursuit of improvement create frustration, shame and insecurity within us. In an effort to improve we recognize our weaknesses, and we begin to obsess over them. Without care, what starts as a profound and healthy desire to better ourselves can grow into self-loathing. We are not perfect. I'm not perfect and neither are you. I have histories, scars, memories, habits and desires that hinder me as much as they help me. I try to locate, acknowledge and accept my barriers in order to release them and move past them. Most habits distract the mind, especially ones that stimulate the senses. This can include food, music, television, even conversation and sex. We must take care that we do not engage in activities to draw the mind outward toward the senses. This is the simple essence of the 5th limb of Patanjali's yoga - Pratyahara or the Withdrawal of the Senses. When I see yoga paired with wine or chocolate tastings, I am saddened for the contradiction: yoga practice to center the mind and sensory stimulation to draw it outward. I feel the same when I hear yogis encouraging drinking or poor nutrition for the sake of indulging the senses. I know that it is culturally attractive to be a wine connoisseur or to know where the best milkshake in town can be found, but these things hinder us on our progress toward a clear mind and a healthy life. |
This journal honors my ongoing experience with the practice, study and teaching of yoga.
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